My Book of Poetry

And every second slowed to a standstill,

As you turned away for the last time.

The rain drops stilled to a painful drag,

The breath left me swiftly to die. 

That night I opened the first blank page,

To smear my infinity of tears,

Slash the emptiness with the ink of pain,

Paint the words every soul fears.

Every poetry cried in remorse,

Your betrayal screamed in gothic colors,

Yet I found my peace in this world,

As page after page sewed my broken heart for another.

The Memoirs

These workings of God mystify me. Why does he do what has happened? You can have the entire world in the palm of your hand, yet you never realize an important part of that picture is missing. Till you are faced with it. Till you smile in contentment. Till you laugh at every sarcastic remark. Till your heart beats at every small confession. You feel like that person a million miles away, is more closer to you than your own heart. Is this a mirage? Is this supposed to be a test for desperation. To wave that one thing that you need most right in front of your eyes, separated by a thin glass wall. No matter how close it is, you just can't have it. It's cruel. This need starts at you, and stops at you. How do I live each day without you to love, is beyond my understanding. Yet I love you through every text message, every picture you put up. And every night I sleep complete. 

To you I Belong. (Abu Dhabi)

*My shortlisted entry for The Emirates Airline Festival of Literature - Capture 380 contest.*

It hasn't been that long. To last when I slid my fingers through your fine, pale sand. To when I felt the coolness of the night gone in every grain that brushed my skin. To when I picked up a handful and let it blow away in the winds. 

It hasn't been that far to when I delicately put my feet into your sparkling waters. They chilled me to the soul. With every wave washing away the pains to the shore. With every particle reflecting the ever blue sky. And melting me into it's turquoise depths.

It wasn't that long when I breathed in your early morning air. The fog just lifting, leaving dew drops sliding down the shivering leaves. And as the breeze caressed my face, I could feel your love growing in me. The fragrance of the freshly cut grass soothing my chaotic thoughts. 

To you I have always belonged.

An eternity has passed to when you cradled me in your arms through starry nights of sleep. To when you held fast to the moment I took my first steps on you. To countless birthdays that passed in raising me to be safe, confident and loved. I rebelled. But you never ceased to envelope me into your patient arms of comfort. 

An eternity has passed to when you matured from a plain land to hovering skyscrapers. To when I watched my birthplace change its face entirely. I saw you accept the different from far away lands. And how you grew into a graceful centre of beauty with white clouds bowing in awe of your generosity. 

To you I will always belong.

My heart yearns for you yet again. For home has been nothing else. No matter how many times I tried leaving, your love pulls me back. The beckoning skies and the sultry waves pull me back. The memories of innocent carefree days pull me back. For I can still hear the tinkling laughter of the young as they played. For I can still remember the first times that I engraved on your every bark. 

For i still remember how you welcome me back with open arms every time.

And heal me back to sanity once again.

A Part of You

Look up,

I can see you as clear as the sky.

Break the mirror, ignore the reflection.

Look into my eyes, come back to reality.

You are that one person, no other can ever be.

Believe that, live it.

Lie to others, but you can't deceive me.

Pierce through your soul I can,

Bring out the deepest of emotions I can,

Comfort you I can,

'Cuz a part of you I am.

I am an Alien

Alone. That is how I have felt for the last decade of my life. Don't take me wrong, I have always had a huge population of people surrounding me at all times. People that I can't seem to form that tiny but taut thread of bond with. There is a huge chasm of differences between them and me. Difference in beliefs, difference in upbringing, difference in how they believe an ideal life should be led. And these unresolved differences has had caused me to retreat within myself. To make best friends with no one, but me.

Although I've quieted down immensely over the years, I am brimmed with retaliations just waiting to be screamed out. Quiet outside, but very loud inside. I talk through words, poetry. Where I mask my feelings behind layers and layers of phrases. I talk through paintings, where the colors merge into one another as bright turns into darkness. I talk through the screen, where social media hides my true identity. Does anyone hear me at all?

Sometimes I sit in a room full of people, my mask so secured with a smile and glow I can fool myself. But there is a thick wall between them and me. I can see them, but not hear them. I can touch them, Not feel them. I can talk to them but never understand them. 

Every human around me lives on a different frequency than me. What excites them, depresses me. They talk about mundane subjects, things that I don't even bother paying attention to. Clothes, food, family gossip. Typical girl talk. But I'm a girl and I don't talk typical. There views are restricted to a narrow path, while I keep jumping over the pavement on to the 'forbidden' ways. Thoughts that never escape my lips in fear of being despised. And those thoughts just as easily slide on to that part of my brain where it keeps repeating itself over and over again till it's heard. Heard by me. Expressed in written words. Writings that are hidden from that world, and exposed to Him.

Yet when I go back to my land, I feel like I belong there. Then why snatch me away from my base? Why de-home me? Why drag me to stand in front of heartless people and take on the firing squad? Why make me believe that they love me when all they are are back stabbers? Why force me to live what I'm not? Why?

Only confusion and silence echoes in response. As it always does.

No one loves an alien.