Another page in the Book of Love



The darkness had settled in by now. Silence was as thick as mist in the air. She looked him straight in the eye and whispered "Promise me you'll never love anyone the way you have loved me." He paused before answering back, silenced by the intense desperation in her voice, the truth that shone in her eyes. A rare second. It seemed a decade passed as he wished this moment would never end. "I promise I can't love anyone like I have loved you."

And his life changed forever.

                                                             **********

The car was going really fast now. But she hardly noticed. She couldnt take her eyes off the full moon that shone so bright tonight, overshadowing the tiny stars. They say it is the closest to earth after 20 years. Was he watching it too? What was he thinking?  Damn! She dragged her eyes away from the sky and tried focusing on reading the ugly, meaningless signs that passed her in a blur. Anything to take her mind of him. Time heals wounds. Pfft! Whoever said that, didn't own a watch.


Getting home, she dropped into bed without so much as bothering to kick her shoes off. What was wrong with her? Everything was as perfect as can be, but he still lingered in those dark corners of her mind. Sneaking out on her every few minutes. Repeating the so called memories. This time it was war! Cruel as it may seem, she will kill the heart for good now. No use bringing the past up. Not now. Not when everything is perfect.


                                                                 ***********

She was was high on smoke and music. It felt like the hiphop beats reverbrating through the room were in perfect sync with her hearbeat. Was her heart even beating? She couldn't feel it anymore. To think about it, there is hardly much she could feel right now, except this growing frustration that gnawed on her insides. Why was he so nervous? He seemed to be fidgeting with something in his bag. "I have to ask you something." Dazed with all the excess smoke that seemed to cloud her senses, she felt herself nod. Everything was going in slow motion. He bought out a small red velvet box and she knew what it was before he even opened it. Horror pooled in her stomach as her throat went dry. It felt like someone had just dumped acid down it.

He had been serious all along.

                                                                     ***********

She jumped in fright. Sweating crazily and dead cold at the same time. What the hell happened here? Why was it so dark? Where was she? She groped frantically around to get hold on anything. Her fringe was stuck like seaweed to her forehead, and thorned into her eyes. Swiping at it, she rubbed her eyes to open them wider. Finally her pupils adjusted to the dark. She was in her room. She had fallen asleep while thinking. Someone had turned off the lights and turned the air conditioner to the lowest temperature possible. 4:18 a.m. Damn those memories! I should be used to this by now. Thinking that she got up to pour some water down her parched throat. Suddenly she stopped. Was it still there? She looked down at her finger, half expecting the diamonds to glint back cheerfully at her. It was empty. Sadness washed over her like a tide and she felt tears stinging her eyes. Its over. But those words still didn't take away the pain that squeezed her heart every so often.

                                                                     ************

Months had passed since he had last seen her. "We can't be the same anymore. I have to stop talking to you. My parents are too old-fashioned for this." It still echoed in his ears. Like that forbidden day when he got her email. He hadn't believed it then, and he didn't believe it now. She hasn't talked to him since. He had been blocked off of every channel of communication he had with her. She knew he had meant every word he promised her, then what was she punishing him for?! He flipped through her pictures that were now engraved on his mind. Her smile. That is what he had fallen for. She will come back to me. She has to. A lone tear traced it's way down his cheek. He looked over to his almost filled bags. Or I will.

To be continued... 


Continued from Part 1...




She loved helping her mum in the kitchen. A friendly bond seemed to form between them as they gossiped randomly and bustled around the brightly lit room, cutting and stirring. There was a time when she had misunderstood her, thinking mum wanted nothing more but to cage her in. But things have changed. She has changed. She had to give up a lot. A lot. Even him. Regret filled her and started suffocating her. She glanced up at her mum's carefree face as she laughed about the neighbour's dog. Just seeing her so happy bought oxygen back to her brains. And just as quickly the guilt vanished. Her mum was proud of her. Just the way she wanted. Nothing will come in between them now. Nothing. She won't let it.

                                                                ******************

He stared out the tiny window, far at a beautiful illusion the setting sun created. The soft clouds seemed to add a dramatic effect, bring out the translucent colors. Instead of appreciating the rare sight, his mind was thousands of miles away. He was thinking about her. How would she react on seeing him this time? After all that has changed between them? Would she be filled with joy, or walk away in despair? He desperately hoped it the former. After all, he was going for her only. The wedding was just an excuse. He sighed loudly, causing the passenger beside him to glance over and study his rigid frame in concern. It felt like the world weighed on his shoulders. He needed to relax. To look like he was going on a vacation and not to his death 
order. Motioning the airhostess over, he ordered coffee. "and make it strong please." He checked his Seiko. Only one hour more to go.

                                                              ******************

She knew he was going to be at the wedding. Afterall, he did come for the wedding. She should feel calm and collected now. Everything was over. He was nothing more than an acquaintance now. That too if she wanted him to be. Suddenly her searching eyes were blocked by a huge blubbery frame of bright red and orange, covered in shiny jewels from head to toe. "Hello there beta! look at you. All grown up and pretty! We should get you hooked to a nice boy now." Afcourse. Desi aunties are worse than facebook at prying into your personal matters. The only reason they have been put on earth is to get 'pretty girls' married off to 'nice boys'. So much for searching for a purpose to life. Trying to look interested and pretending not to look for him, she checked out what lay in front of her. That is when she saw him, her eyes partly sheilded by her fringe. Sitting at a table not far away, looking in her direction intently. She couldn't read his expression or his eyes. But she could feel her ears go numb and her heart thundering like a drum gone mad. Nowhere near calm or collected. Shit.

                                                             *******************

There she was, beautiful as always. His heart rushed to his throat, and oxygen left his lungs for a minute. Haven't seen him yet. Dammit. Wish he could take her up in her arms and let the world know how he really felt. But his hands were tied. He was scared of losing her. He looked away. Fine, I'll play her game, if that's what she wants.

                                                              *******************

The digital clocked blinked at him. 3 a.m. It was late. He should be sleeping. But he couldn't. Specially when he could feel her in the room next to him. He needed her. And that drove him to smoke harder. He got out of bed. 

                                                             *******************

He had her so close, yet so far. He was drunk on passion, on smoke. But his head was clear enough to know this was his last chance to know. He pulled her close, gently moving her hair to the side so he could read what she was hiding. "Dont!" But she remained where she was. He had to touch her, he needed her. Why couldn't she understand?! "Please..." She turned towards him and looked him straight in the eye. And for that tiniest of seconds he saw the hurt dripping off those delicate lashes. Then she knifed him with her words. "You have to stay away from me. I can't do this. I'm getting married soon." The floor dissapeared beneath his feet. He lost all senses. Time stopped. Blood left his brain. All he could see was her eyes and feel nothing.

He didn't remember walking out of the room.

                                                                                                                              To be continued...    

Continued from Part 2...



The land was blanketed in a thick layer of snow. Cold and serene. The most beautiful sight he had ever come across.  White.  He pulled his eyes low and kept walking through the falling flakes. Freedom. That is what he came here for, and that is what he will find. Freedom from thoughts, from memories. Freedom from the past. He walked up the stairs of his dorm entrance. I don't need friends here, I'm fine on my own. He dropped into his unmade bed and switched on his laptop.

                                   **************************

It was late. She walked into her dimly lit room tired. And stopped. He was there, lounging against the table with a teacup in his hand. Sipping at it slowly. Watching her intently. She couldn't help but run her eyes up his long legs, flat stomach, muscled arms, eyes still watching her. Damn! She struggled at pulling her eyes away. Blood rushed to her face when she realized the thoughts that just went through her mind. He smiled that knowing, mysterious smile. "What do you want?" She couldn't meet his gaze. "Nothing, just having tea." Still smiling. There was too much electricity in the air. His aura was all over her. His scent pulled at her. Something broke in her and she lost control. It was like a watching a movie from far. She saw herself walk up to him, take the teacup from his hand and place it on the table behind him. And then she gave in to temptation. The kiss was sudden, warm. Intense. Blood rushed to her brain till she thought she would hemmorage. Time was lost. Surroundings faded out. Air left her lungs. Just that sweet taste, that intense need. The passion causing her heart to stop beating. She thought she would faint. That this would be the end. She could feel his warmth taking her in, his smell causing her to hallucinate. Reality rushed in cold when she heard a knock. She pulled away with horror in her eyes. Panic pooled in her stomach. They can't know. 

                                    ******************************

"What are you thinking?" She blinked in surprise. Her mum in law stared at her expecting an answer. She felt disoriented. It wasn't real. Just a flashback. "Nothing really." she went back to pouring tea for everyone. In the same tea cups. 

                                   ***************************

The phone kept ringing for few minutes. The shrill noise was grating on her nerves. Useless piece of invention. Finally she picked it up. "Hey sweety..." She flinched. Her husband was the perfect man. He has always been the perfect epitome of perfectness. He deserved better. He deserved true love. "Um hi.." Was it that obvious? Her disinterest? If only she could reset her mind somehow. Erase the past away. Then she could have a perfect life with the perfect man. She shut out her heart pleading with her. She had to make more effort. 

For everyone's sake.

                                   ***************************

"Yes?" "Wake up man, it's almost three in the afternoon." He blinked against the harsh sunlight pouring through his tiny window. Last night he had done than usual. "It's too early. Shut the phone." "No. Its very late. Finals are next week. Prep up." Shit. He jumped out of bed. Very very late. I'm in big trouble. He rushed to bathroom and splashed his face with water. Wake up dammit. Think of a solution. His brain felt like stuffed cotton. Filled with muddy goo. I cant fail again. My dad will kill me. Think think think. Tutor with friends? Too social. Study in library? Too lonely. How do I get started? What do I study? I need help! He suddenly stopped in mid-stride. Afcourse. She is the only one. She will tell me what to do. He quickly switched on his MacBook. What time will it be there?

                              *****************************

The clock struck 1 a.m. She had drawn up an entire study schedule for him. Was an effort taken her condition, but she had to help him out. He had no one. He was all alone. Excuses. She ignored her silly heart. Always coming up with things too outrageous. Afcourse she was over him. 

She adjusted her pillow under her back and placed her iPad on the side. Lying in this posture for weeks haven't been easy. But she was determined to do the right thing. This is what will make my marriage true.

                                 ******************************

I can have her. His heart screamed at him as he chatted with her online.  She was always his and always will be. All he had to do was find a way. A way past her...false marriage. He had promised her he will wait till the end of time. And he had meant every word. If only she could see how imperfect her husband was for her. How much they loved each other. How perfectly they fit each other. He had to dive in right now. Right now! Before it was too late. "Do you still love me?" 

A long pause. He had a sense of foreboding washing over him very slowly. Something terrible was about to happen. 

"You need to know something."

He knew before she even said it.

"I'm expecting."

It's too late. 

                                                                                                                               To be continued....

Last part





She spent days thinking about him. He haunted her dreams more often than she wanted. And in every dream he would be standing in the corner waiting for her. Waiting for her to look his way. Waiting for that tiny flicker of recognition to pass through her eyes. A tiny spark that could go almost unnoticed by everyone, except him. 

She looked down at her finger. Those three diamonds sparkled back at her. She may have turned her heart into stone. But he was still there, within her. Deep in the core of her restless heart. And this ring held his soul. This ring was the only way she could hold him close forever.

                       --------------------------

It was time to go to the party. She will be there. But things had already taken a turn way before. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't look past their memories every time she was in the same room as him. It was easy to have a straight face and pretend like a hurricane wasn't tearing his insides. But if only she could look inside his heart. It has been shredded. She has broken her promise. She has looked away.

But he had to stand tall. After all, he can move forward. She has moved. Quicker than he could have imagined. But he was right behind her. And nothing could extinguish the anger he felt over her aloof response.

If he didn't mean anything to her anymore, he might as let her go.

                           --------------------------

She walked to the reception looking for the wifi password. Her eyes fell on him. White. He was wearing white. A wild current of regret shot through her. "No. Act normal." She looked away and walked back into the party. He can't know.

                          ---------------------------

She was right there. Talking to everyone like nothing was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Then why did it feel like everything was wrong. He had to let her go. As emotionless as she has been, he had to let her go. For the sake of his own sanity.

He flipped through the notes log on his phone that he never sent.

                          ----------------------------

Lounging by the water side, she looked at the beautiful sunset far away. The oranges and pinks rippled across the skies, over riding the purples and greys that peeked beneath. The world was beautiful where it was meant to be. But something has been tugging at her heart all day. Although she belonged to this land, the alien feeling of restlessness was back today.

She let her thoughts stray back to when she had called him. "I'm expecting."  He had been silent. She could hear this unspoken words of contempt and devastation through the static. What he didn't know was that a storm was about to hit him in her next words. "It's yours." The turmoil of emotions that hit her once she had said it out loud was overwhelming. Her heart was in pain knowing what would come next, but a tiny part of her glowed out of love. It was an unexpected gift.

                          ---------------------------

He had always come here for her. This time it was for another reason. He felt like he was betraying himself when he tried not to look for her. But she had pushed him away. Forcefully. Then away he shall stay.

This was where she had lost that important part of him. Where she had gone through the procedure, that caused more scars to her heart than to her body. A tiny life that would have given way to more questions. They murdered their bundle of happiness. He never thought it would end so tragic. Every dream of future had her in it. How could things have taken the turn for the worse this quick?

He had waited for her enough. She wasn't coming now. She had made that clear.

Tomorrow he will accept another to be his.

She wouldn't even blink at that.

                            ---------------------------

Her heart squeezed with pain when she heard the news. She couldn't think or speak for the few minutes she was in shock. The world had stopped.

She looked away to hide the force tearing her inside. Can't give it away.

A good part of her life she had wanted to be in that place. They have had dreams. They had goals. But not every story had the happy ending.

This one had ended a tragic.




The End.

1 comment:

  1. I got those 'panic pooled in her stomach' feeling just by reading these. Please write more.

    ReplyDelete

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