Million Miles

At nights like these, do I think about you. As often as the stars twinkling right back at me. As alone as that beautiful moon up in the dark sky. When I wish you would caress me like that cold breeze on my skin. When I wish you would hold me close, trace a finger down my lips. When you would look into my eyes, reading what your heart already knew. When you and I both know this is inevitable. That you are created for me, and I belong to you. When are souls finally melt into each other, becoming one forever. Why did it take this long for you to have me? Why didn't you love me when you had to. We were one last life, and we belong together forever. You and I. We have us. Nothing more do we ever need.

But surely wish on the shooting star, for you and I have the million miles between us. 

My Subconscious and I

I miss him.

Already?

Seems like forever. Every second that ticks by is an hour. And every hour a year. 

That's dramatic.

I haven't even begun.

Let him go.

I can't. He was the only one holding me sane. The only one who thought through me and who felt with me. I feel complete with him. Fulfilled.

That's just too bad, life's a bitch.

But not impossible. I can have him. If I need him, I will have him.

You can't. Some things are never meant to be.

But this is meant to be. I'm sick and tired of trying to stay afloat on my own. I'm losing energy fast. He keeps me afloat. Reminds me of what I am, what I can be. I like what I am with him. He holds me way above water, and I know he'll never let me go under. 

Maybe you should go back. 

I wish. But I don't want to belittle what we had. What we have. It's too beautiful. Like an orchestra. In sync with harmony. Playing along the lines of fire. Warm honey to the soul.

What will you do now?

There is nothing I can do. Or maybe there is. Or maybe I should just stop here and leave it exactly like it is. A reluctant Goodbye.

A goodbye can last forever. You can lose him.

I won't. I have faith. The bond is too strong. The connection too intense.

Then be strong and wait it out. Time will be sweet. 

Patience is tough. What if time runs out? Regrets are worse.

Don't go back. 

I won't. 

Yeright.

I'm serious! Not until I'm comfortable. 

I believe you.

I believe in us. I believe it will rain. I believe in the kiss. 

Echo

Grace 

Intelligence

Heat

Passion

I love you. 

Don't suppress.

Don't lie to yourself.

Bellisimo

I need you.

I love you.

Slight Connection

Intense Fascination

Fire 

In your voice.

I love you.

Affair

Friends

Strangers

Grey option

I love you.

Once

Every day.

I have,

No nights.

I love you.

Stand close

Orange sun 

Solitary

Kiss

I love you.

Will you?

Are you? 

Answer me.

You want me.

I love you. 

Ticking clock

Resonating silence

Endless echo

I love you.

Your Words

I look over the horizon,

The sun setting in it's glorious light. 

It reminds me of you,

Looking back at me with anger in your eyes.

Just as red as this sunset,

Just as warm as this summer breeze could get. 

How should I move on from you?

When I can still feel this connection between us two.

I'm holding on to a fantasy,

My sweet getaway in the face of this loathed reality.

But maybe it's not you, 

Just the thought of you that holds me back.

Holds me to your sensual words,

That were uttered in the light of emotions gone wreck.

Do you ever think of me as much?

Do you ever yearn the quick drop in heartbeat with a single touch?

It's not over yet,

Your words still haunt me when the night is dead.

Princess Diaries: 12 - Sweet Fate

Dear diary,

That day was an extraordinary day. Something happened that goes against the normality of life. Something that had me believe in fate again. 

For the longest time I've felt alone. Like I've been drifting through life with no anchor. Attaching myself to things that never really held me down. But then their exists some souls that pull you back. Pull you back and hold you down. And though there might be confusions and everything might be blurred, but in the end you face the reality. That bond is so much more stronger. There are things going beyond what we can ever imagine. How?...When? Why? 

Maybe it was that instinct right from the beginning that tugged at my heart constantly. Maybe it was the fantasy painted with vibrant colors, a mirage that melted my heart. Maybe he never left. 

But dear diary, what does it all mean? Is this a second chance at something that I've always wanted? Or is this a continuation to a story already happening? The second chapter? 

But I'm happy. It's like a part of me was lost, and I didn't even realize it. Just put it down to one of life's tragedies. And when I got it back, I bloomed again like a flower deprived. Although it lasted for few counted seconds, I got my light kiss of the rain. 

So I'll play this game. Wait for sunshine to take my name. And everyday when the sun goes down, I'll watch the colors merge into one another. Thinking that far beyond, you'll be watching those colors with thoughts of me and no other.

Yes dear diary. Fate is sweet sometimes. 😊

Etched

When I sat in that shadowed room. In the quiet of a dark moonless night. When nothing but a leaf stirred, and the breeze moaned tales of hearts asunder far and wide. When they pretended to be someone else. Laughter. Happy faces. Some so shy. Some just as high. Laughing with more happiness then ever. I laughed like I'd never stop. Laughed for all I was worth. And just like that my eyes moved to you. Sitting in the corner of another shadow. Your eyes dropped with more sleep than ever. So mysterious. So sexy. And that one moment, everything slowed to a stand still. Shadows darkened. Time stopped. The rest disappeared. Just you and me. Alone. Our eyes locked. And I saw you watch me. A slight smile of a lover. Exposed passion far gone. Watching me ever so intensely. Listening to my trinkets as it bounced off the walls. Feeling my laughter as it floated through you. Memorizing every line etching my face. Taking in that bright spark within my eyes. Fantasizing about that hair brushing ever so slightly before being flicked back in. Watching me like the rest don't matter. The rest don't exist. A chill moves up my spine. As I watch you watch me. Your eyes boring ice cold heat into me. Saying things that could never be said aloud. Imagining things that can never be as real. I felt my hands shake. I felt my heart drop. And just as that I teared my eyes away from yours. Too scared to jump into the deep well. Too frightened of the erratic beatings of my heart. And just as that, the lights come back on. And even in the brightness, I can feel your gaze lingering on my face. Kissing me ever so lightly. Tracing lines down my cheek bones. Close my eyes. But I feel you stronger. 

Death

Silence,

Deafening.

Can't hear you no more,

Can't feel my soul no more.

If only you had known,

What you have become to me,

Not a passing phase,

Not even a forgotten moment, 

But a part of me.

With you I felt myself come back to life,

When dead feelings suddenly revived,

When songs sounded sweeter,

The flowers so much more brighter.

When fantasies tumbled over one another,

When my hands never stopped writing.

You gave me life once more,

Let me breathe once again.

But just then you slammed a wall between us,

Can't reach you no more.

Can't feel you no more.

Do you not see the panic in my eyes?

Don't leave me to wither alone,

Don't let go just yet.

If only I could scratch this wall away,

But nothing seems to shake it.

And I slide down helpless,

I'm losing blood,

My skin is yellowing.

You took it away before I could have it.

And all you left me with are lies.

Broken promises and more lies.

Let me die in peace now, 

Not even my corpse deserves you anymore.

Soulmate

Someone like you comes around so rare,

Makes my heart burn with just one stare,

I lose courage to look you in the face,

If I do, your lips are all I taste,

Just a wish to hold you around the waist,

Just a dream to never waste,

A moment not drowning in your beautiful eyes,

A second not feeling my heart race wild,

Why do I connect with you like no other?

Why does it feel so good that it would have never worked with another?

My imagination runs wild with thoughts of laying with you,

Whispering sweet noises in your soft ears,

Finally I've found someone who hears,

Not from the ear, but from the heart 

If I lost you I'd surely fall apart

Into the abyss without my soul,

Blackened heart, darkened to coal,

Unless you stay to keep the fire alive,

Without oxygen, fire cannot thrive.  

-SH

Falling I am, 

Lost my soul I have.

When did that oxygen run out?

When did this fire die out?

You promised to keep me afloat,

But you pushed me down with all your might so.

Are you running away from your needs?

Or pushing me out cuz I don't deserve you to me?

We did connect like we never did with another,

Yet it never was enough to keep going forever.

I miss you.

I may even have been with you.

But somehow, somewhere I lost you.

And now I'm falling in that deep abyss,

With nothing but broken pieces of my heart a miss.

So waste away your wishes and dreams,

Cuz it was all a lie, a bunch of empty promises.

Yet your sweet words still echo,

Bringing memories of not so long ago. 

And I can't let go,

Cuz you showed me what this world could never show.

I made your heart run wild,

I made your imagination bloom far and wide. 

Look back and realize,

What we had was so real and nice.

Come back,

Just once and I'll never let it go off track.

Cuz No matter how hard I try,

I just can't let go.

Can't let go of you.

 

That Conflict within

The biggest decisions of life is made by simply listening to the heart. That is what most philosophers and poets have taught us for centuries. Follow your instinct, let your soul guide you.  To what extent is that true? How far can you let your heart take decisions before the brain moves in? And how would you take a decision between something that is wrong but feels right and something that is right but feels wrong? Is that your instinct showing the right way? Or lust getting in between you and your heart?

So many questions, yet little to no answers. From the beginning of time I've never trusted my heart taking decisions. Hell if I let it, I would probably be in ruins regretting every decision ever made in the past. But I just can't seem to shake off this nagging feeling that is tugging at my heart strings every so often. Would have been so much better if there was some kinda mutual communication between the heart and the brain. At least I wouldn't swinging like a pendulum between the two, unable to understand my actions or thoughts.

And this is what every human on this earth goes through. Conflicted. Unable to decipher feelings. Yet what we end up doing is the complete opposite of what we want to do. Our actions don't soothe the inner conflicts, on the contrary it makes things worse. We end up hurting others, or others hurting you. This is how hate grows, when you don't give in to your feelings to simply love that person. When you oppose it, just to live according to the rules of the society and not be a misfit.

I guess the only answer is to ignore something you don't understand. I don't understand what my heart is trying to point out. So I decide to ignore it.

Eventually these screams of plea will die out.

Belief

A land so barren,

As leaves flicker in the dry breeze.

The sun beats down with all might,

The flowers burnt down into the ground.

The sand sifts lazily,

The crystals shining right back into the turquoise sky.

But a cloud drifts in slowly,

Unsure,

Uncertain.

Is this the right place?

How dry, how sad.

Maybe a single drop of water. 

It falls to the ground and lingers for a second,

Before it is hungrily absorbed by the deprived land.

Maybe two more,

And they disappear just as fast.

Maybe I can bring life back.

Maybe I can be god.

And it bursts into torrential rain.

As lightning strikes and thunder claps,

The hungry land drinks in every drop that lands on it's dried surface,

The leaves blow along the deafening  winds, 

Raindrops sliding down it's smooth surface.

Flowers burst into colors,

As the land revives slowly.

As it's soul returns back.

And just as that it turns up to the cloud,

With color and laughter.

With that twinkle of a belief.

God exists.

Empty

Empty. It's like life has been drained out of me. Like I have nothing left inside except a dark, empty hollow. No feelings. No more life. This whirlwind of emotions and thoughts has left me breathless. Where am I? Why am I? I question my existence. 

It's tough to face your needs head on. It's even tougher when you try to achieve them without disturbing others standing close to you. But no one is an island. Every outburst effects the air surrounding it. Intense vibrations. They topple down stagnant cities. Then don't blame me for moving you. Cuz I've never been so ready to let go before.

Lost. So lost. Like I'll never come back to reality. That's another thing that's hard to let go of. To have to touch your reality back again. It's like coming into consciousness from coma a number of times. Specially if it's as ugly as this. Why can't I turn back hands of time? Why can't I relive what I lost? 

It's even harder to have you so close. So calming, always caressing. Reality is an ugly demon in front of you. A breath of fresh air. So sweet, like honey on wounds. And every time I talk to you, it's like life has touched me once again. With it's warmth and comfort. I can get so used to it. Grasping at it like it's the last straw. Pulling me up every time I'm underwater. But will you last forever? Or will it fade off gradually? When interests change, when wants differ? 

Sad how a slight change in atmosphere causes hurricanes. How everyone around is sweeped up in it. 

Just never let go.

Suffocation

Closing around me so tight

Squeezing the life out of me

Let me breathe 

That one more inhale of sweet air

Just one more before I go

Impulse causes me to lash out

But all I scratch at is the empty darkness 

My eyes are drifting

My lungs screaming

Just when the last shred of my soul leaves

Someone heaves me up into the warmth

Can't breathe, yet my soul rushes back

The scent is sweet

The embrace so safe

Hold me tight

Hold me right 

And revived me you have

Given me another life

I've indebted my soul to you

My cheeks flush pink

My eyes glaze over

And just as I'm about to kiss

You let go once again

And I'm flying through air

Ready to suffocate again..

<..............>

The tightness around you is the warmth of a blanket,

Caressing your skin, squeezing teasefully,

Let me be your respirator,

If you go, I go with you,

Subdue your impulse and let me be your therapy,

And you'll see the light at the end of the road,

Focus your eyes on my face,

You don't need them to drift anywhere else,

Scream all you want, then watch my thoughts...soothe your throat,

I'll hold your soul to the ground,

Turn around every frown, I won't let you drown,

I'll hold you tight,

I'll hold you right,

Just do one thing for me,

Don't give up this fight!

For I am right beside you,

Even when you feel alone 

Lending a comfortable hand,

Bringing a drop of water in your world of sand,

All you need is a strand,

Of hope,

Reigniting the dreams and passions you had,

Making you realize that wanting your own desires is not bad,

Protecting your deepest thoughts in your mind, 

You an open book, and I your bind.

- Sh

Little Black Box

I'm stuck 

Stuck in this void

I feel trapped 

All emotions trapped in a little black box  

Only my namesis floating around

Subtly

Sparingly

So easy for the world to ridicule

Do they even know what pushed a person to it?

This lust

It's insatiable

A stranger on the outside 

Inside I'm myself 

Eyes are blank

Blind to the obvious 

But memories strewn around

So the secret love affair continues 

I'm comatised in my fantasies

Will I ever?

Today I lost an important person in my life. The more I tried to hold on to you, the more you shrugged my hands off. So I let go. How long should I struggle to hold you back? Because once someone told me 'Let go of the person you love, if it's meant to be he'll come back to you.' What if you don't? What if you never return?

 

That night I was a wreck. A mass of nerves, with a heart so heavy it would have dropped to my feet. The pain was unbearable. I couldn't focus. I couldn't sleep. To let go is the toughest. How could you let me go this easily?

But why should I blame you for this? No promises. No compromises. No future.

We all have it planned in our head. Three months from now and you'll be the happiest person alive. Does your past hit you then? No. You are happy. So you forget the people that never really meant anything to you in the first place.

But you meant the world to me. I lived by your words. And they keep coming back. 

Will you ever come back?

Will I ever get my kiss in the rain?

Ramblings of a Broken Heart

Believe it or not, I have finally figured out men. And yes they are from Mars. I mean who would have thought that men could ever complete a woman. Complete? More like damage a well working woman into a total shapeless and a psychotic maniac. Men just don't have a heart. That is something I finally proved. THEY. DO. NOT. HAVE. A. FREAKIN. HEART. Instead they have a ticking timer in there that just switches off once it has reached it's limit. And which is winded up from time to time as their point of interest changes. So... I have classified all men into 4 main types;

1. The men who lie. If they say they are sleeping, it means they are partying. If they say they are playing cricket, well they are prolly screwing the girl next door. Freakin liars are the hardest to figure out, because they are as sweet as the sweetest sugar. And they chocolate coat you with the thickest layer so you are never be able to look past to their stupid lies. Every second of their lives is a lie. They breathe lies, they eat lies. And worst of all...they break your trust again, and again and again till it's beyond repair. All shredded into tiny little sharded pieces! Their life is a lie and so is their existence. Better to just let them rot in their thick web of lies and mistrusts.

2. The men who never have time. Money money money. The point of their living is making money. And will only look at you if you are dressed in paper money with diamonds dripping out of your eyes and everywhere else. They put you on the sidelines for when they are horny or need a 2 minute breather from the greedy machine that they have become. Throwing a hi from now and then and making the worst excuses ever. Sure they have time to party with the hottest chicks and to go drinking with the closest buddies. But it when it comes to you, they just don't have the freakin time! The projects are just too important, or the cellphones just not with them. Yeright. Be a man and say to our face that you are just not interested. We won't cry, just drop you like an ugly big spider and switch over to a better guy who doesn't fry money for dinner.

3. The men who don't respect women. All they see standing in front of them are body parts to be used to relieve themselves. Just sweet talk us women into passion and pleasure is all yours. The brainless men who just don't care whether a women has needs too, or whether her faking noises becomes too overrated and boring at times. Men like these don't know the color of your eyes because they are just too busy talking to the other two 'eyes' at all times. Hell, for once look up to into our face and recognize that we are that powerful being that can break your stick into two if we want to. But guess what, we are not part of your cow-brained horny group and we respect a person for being a human!

4. The men who don't exist. These men are perfect gentlemen. They don't ignore you when you are in need of companionship. They are write sweet notes to you from time to time, and actually mean it. And they always respect your needs and wishes before anything else. These men are not from Mars, but created to complete a woman right here on earth. To balance her emotionally and to pretend like she is the centre of his universe, just to make her feel special. He makes enough money to spend on her, but realizes that his attention is what is more needed than anything else. And these men NEVER make excuses. These men NEVER lie. And these men NEVER strip you naked with their eyes. They are just...perfect. But they don't exist.

So take your pick girls. Because this is all we got. 

                             

Pink mirage

When rain falls on the girl you're with,
She comes back into her natural state.
No makeup,
No hairdo,
Just pure innocence.
Sparkled eyes...
And when the water runs down the lips,
Which she would tighten every so often to not let the water in,
But gentle enough to pink them up,
And make them soft..
Soft kiss would be a waste...
A light bite on those cotton candied lips,
Let her close her eyes,
For a split second before she opens them again at the bite.
Hands on hips,
And a stroke right there...

So love me all you want,
Kiss me right to the soul...
Show me the need that you have secretly welled up inside you,
So intense,
So craving,
Run your finger down my back,
Lovebite my sweet neck under the beautiful sky,
The raindrops, so cold...
Make me shiver.
That fire in your eyes is burning now,
Innocence overtaken by the heat.
Let your thumb caress my lip...
Let it all become more than a dream...
A fantasy.
A truth.

                                                                                                Inspired by A