The Memoirs

These workings of God mystify me. Why does he do what has happened? You can have the entire world in the palm of your hand, yet you never realize an important part of that picture is missing. Till you are faced with it. Till you smile in contentment. Till you laugh at every sarcastic remark. Till your heart beats at every small confession. You feel like that person a million miles away, is more closer to you than your own heart. Is this a mirage? Is this supposed to be a test for desperation. To wave that one thing that you need most right in front of your eyes, separated by a thin glass wall. No matter how close it is, you just can't have it. It's cruel. This need starts at you, and stops at you. How do I live each day without you to love, is beyond my understanding. Yet I love you through every text message, every picture you put up. And every night I sleep complete. 

That Dream

There comes a morning every few days that I wake up from a dream longing for you. Sometimes I finally have you and sometimes I stand in a corner waiting for you to recognize me. The excruciating wait. The uncountable number of years that have slipped by and I still wait for you. The doors of finality had shut a long time back, yet my heart just doesn't give up. Somewhere in some tiny corner is a tiny sliver of hope that you may recognize this love. The only true love I ever had. With the wrong man. Tragedy is the play of this world. Sad beginning to a apprehensive life. How does one get over this intense longing of the only person who never recognized you? A cruel play. No matter how hard you try to end the story, the empty spaces never fill. 

Etched

When I sat in that shadowed room. In the quiet of a dark moonless night. When nothing but a leaf stirred, and the breeze moaned tales of hearts asunder far and wide. When they pretended to be someone else. Laughter. Happy faces. Some so shy. Some just as high. Laughing with more happiness then ever. I laughed like I'd never stop. Laughed for all I was worth. And just like that my eyes moved to you. Sitting in the corner of another shadow. Your eyes dropped with more sleep than ever. So mysterious. So sexy. And that one moment, everything slowed to a stand still. Shadows darkened. Time stopped. The rest disappeared. Just you and me. Alone. Our eyes locked. And I saw you watch me. A slight smile of a lover. Exposed passion far gone. Watching me ever so intensely. Listening to my trinkets as it bounced off the walls. Feeling my laughter as it floated through you. Memorizing every line etching my face. Taking in that bright spark within my eyes. Fantasizing about that hair brushing ever so slightly before being flicked back in. Watching me like the rest don't matter. The rest don't exist. A chill moves up my spine. As I watch you watch me. Your eyes boring ice cold heat into me. Saying things that could never be said aloud. Imagining things that can never be as real. I felt my hands shake. I felt my heart drop. And just as that I teared my eyes away from yours. Too scared to jump into the deep well. Too frightened of the erratic beatings of my heart. And just as that, the lights come back on. And even in the brightness, I can feel your gaze lingering on my face. Kissing me ever so lightly. Tracing lines down my cheek bones. Close my eyes. But I feel you stronger.