Princess Diaries: 13 - My Heart is Dead

Dear Diary,

There is so much I want to say to you. I'm bursting at the seams. All I want to do is grab you, shake you so very hard and scream at the top of the lungs. Scream so you would hear me. Scream so you would acknowledge my existence. Shake you out of your dreams and into mine. Those dreams that had us bonded so very tight, once upon a time. When this world was enough for just you and I. And nothing else. 

But I can't do that, can I? No, I can't. No one likes a screaming girl. That's just too much drama. You wouldn't really care for my dreams when you're so happily immersed into your reality. You wouldn't want to divert your attention towards mine. You wouldn't want to look into my eyes and see them brimmed with desperation. You wouldn't. Because it's faded for you. Faded. Faded into a black void. Leaving nothing but ashes behind. 

And that void has killed my heart. That nothingness has sucked me into a never ending well of sadness. I'm free falling into it. It's a long way to the bottom my love, but I'll hit it one day. And everything will blow into sparkling colorful confetti. The happiness that was never allowed to be released. It will get a way out. Will you then still not look back at me? Will you still not hold me in your arms? 

The kiss in the rain.

Heart of Stone

One thing I learned today is that selfishness is an embedded part of human nature. Some more and some a lot lot more. It's hard enough to be completely open hearted to put others before you. Where has humanity gone?

How hard it is for a person to be nice towards another in need of it? Two words of kindness, just a nice smile. How much does that cost ya? Not a crappy cent. You be a mean bitch, karma is a mean bitch. 

Oh but if that mean bitch needs you to get things done, out comes the shower of praises and gifts. And anger melts away from your heart. And just as soon as they are done, you get thrown out on the streets like a used, deflated balloon again. The praises and gifts gone in wisps of smoke that never existed. Not to be looked at again. Unless afcourse till when you are needed next. 

I have never understood why people do that? Why use someone so selfishly? Why not help someone just for the sake of their happiness. Do you not want to feel good about doing a good deed? Doesn't bringing a smile to someone face not complete you? To help someone through a hard time. To give instead of taking? 

But humans have turned into animals. And their hearts to stone.