Do you have one? Not talking about the good-evil combo scrutinizing every single move of ours from the front seat view of our shoulders. But ever get the feeling that you've been completely possessed by that bad bad demon, which till now used to lurk in the tiny dark corners of your mind? That timid creature that was too scared of the huge positive ego that shined right through your face like sunshine on a bright summer day. All it needs is one gaurd let down and *BAM* It attacks! It attacks like a bitch and knocks you off you your feet.
Everyone has the downhills in there lives. Life is pretty much like a sine curve. There comes a peak of happiness, which then slopes downwards to intense depression, which then again slopes up to neutral. But sometimes life hits a dead straight line in the negative area (beeeeeeppp) that goes on and on and on, a never ending torture. At first you fight it, challenge the bad luck every step through the way. Bring it on you bad ass, I won't back down no matter what! And you fight and fight and fight, not realizing that it's wearing out your mental fortress horribly. And then finally, when ur weak enough, it gives the last powerful shock of all. And you drop to it's mercy. Begging to be let out of the misery. But really? Is it going to go that easy? Nooooooo. Not till it had taken you up in it's wrath, destroying every aspect of life, and whatever little happiness you have ever latched on to. It hits you with worse over worse, making you regret challenging it in the first place. It takes your friends, family, love and strips you off of every atom of positiveness you ever had in you. Till you drop spent at it's feet. The life taken out of you. Nothing left except a long list of people who hate you, and no one left to love you.
That's the point where you break down. The point in life where you finally lose it. You don't know where to turn, right or left, too scared to come face to face with this demon again. So you just shut down every emotion in your system and unplug your mental thoughts to move straight on. Take every blow in silence, and hope it ends sooner than it intends to.
The fear of being hated. They should have a name for that. Maybe one takes for granted when everone around you accepts you for no price at all. Loves you for being so positive against the ugly backdrop of harsh reality. But isn't it ironic how the harsh reality rubs off on you and not you on it, the other way round? For a second there, you congratulate yourself for being a beacon of happiness in a lot of lives. And the next second they scorn you for existing. Sigh. One should never have the inner desire to bring happiness to others. It just turns around and hits you back square in the face like a well thrown boomerang. But could it be helped? Is it natural for a person to depend on other's happiness so much? If the world has become selfish, why does one care so much?
The frustration of keeping to perfectness overcomes, and instead of attaching everone to you in positive sockets, you end up giving them reasons to criticize you and snub you. So much for hiding the bad demon in you.
That which you hide, comes out sooner or later.
Everyone has the downhills in there lives. Life is pretty much like a sine curve. There comes a peak of happiness, which then slopes downwards to intense depression, which then again slopes up to neutral. But sometimes life hits a dead straight line in the negative area (beeeeeeppp) that goes on and on and on, a never ending torture. At first you fight it, challenge the bad luck every step through the way. Bring it on you bad ass, I won't back down no matter what! And you fight and fight and fight, not realizing that it's wearing out your mental fortress horribly. And then finally, when ur weak enough, it gives the last powerful shock of all. And you drop to it's mercy. Begging to be let out of the misery. But really? Is it going to go that easy? Nooooooo. Not till it had taken you up in it's wrath, destroying every aspect of life, and whatever little happiness you have ever latched on to. It hits you with worse over worse, making you regret challenging it in the first place. It takes your friends, family, love and strips you off of every atom of positiveness you ever had in you. Till you drop spent at it's feet. The life taken out of you. Nothing left except a long list of people who hate you, and no one left to love you.
That's the point where you break down. The point in life where you finally lose it. You don't know where to turn, right or left, too scared to come face to face with this demon again. So you just shut down every emotion in your system and unplug your mental thoughts to move straight on. Take every blow in silence, and hope it ends sooner than it intends to.
The fear of being hated. They should have a name for that. Maybe one takes for granted when everone around you accepts you for no price at all. Loves you for being so positive against the ugly backdrop of harsh reality. But isn't it ironic how the harsh reality rubs off on you and not you on it, the other way round? For a second there, you congratulate yourself for being a beacon of happiness in a lot of lives. And the next second they scorn you for existing. Sigh. One should never have the inner desire to bring happiness to others. It just turns around and hits you back square in the face like a well thrown boomerang. But could it be helped? Is it natural for a person to depend on other's happiness so much? If the world has become selfish, why does one care so much?
The frustration of keeping to perfectness overcomes, and instead of attaching everone to you in positive sockets, you end up giving them reasons to criticize you and snub you. So much for hiding the bad demon in you.
That which you hide, comes out sooner or later.
Well written, as always. Seems as if you have the strength to speak my mind with your words; as if word for word you've watched it happen inside my head. It saddens me to know that theres someone else who is going through this torture, and I only hope you come out of it faster than I do.
ReplyDeleteSometimes though, it feels as of we are trapped in this groove, this repeated process of up and down. I can see how we are addicted to the bitter sweet pain of it all.
I applaud this piece of work, because I have never come across something more truthful. It feels like you know this truth all too well, and hopefully one day we will be free of its clutches.
Until then, it looks like we have no other option than to smile for the outside and watch our insides burn.
R
Yet always in the end sooner or later the one with the good intentions wins. The frustrations, sorrow, despair, etc are all part of life. They teach us the value of life and makes us strong.
ReplyDelete@R - :) Its just a roller coaster ride. We choose this for ourselves. It is terrifying at times but its fun too. Specially when ur life becomes better.
ReplyDelete@Rachit - I completely agree with you.
Sometimes, you have been warned by many, and yet you listen to none... Indeed quite a dilemma life is.
ReplyDeleteAfter a millioneth year i guess i hv come across something which has so closely resembled the truth of my existence. It was like all of a sudden i am dazing into the truth that i hd been trying to identify for long.
ReplyDeleteWill not shy from mentioning that it did rock me up a bit and there was sm waterfall on my way back home.The only think was i din knw y i was dripping.But i did..
But i guess some people are meant to absorb the sorrows of others. Call them strong. Give them any damn name but for people like US i guess it does become hard, rilli hard sometimes...
n all i culd recall for a moment were lines frm one of the movies "Jinke apne sapne pure nahn hote woh dusron ke sapne pure kartein hain.Yeh allah mian ka faisla hai.Aur woh hi unke liye jannat ke darwaze khlota hai'...
Lovely piece of writing...I am hooked forever...
@MB - Sometimes...you aare left with no choice. Fate throws you into holes suxh deep...you have no way out. :)
ReplyDelete@vini - I love the those lines. Do make a lot of sense. I wrote this piece while going through it all. Let me tell you this. Never back down. Once you get your strength back, keep fighting...and fight till you have satisfied yourself.
Welcome aboard :)
I don't know about others but this is what i went through. I was able to connect so much with this post that at some points, i felt that you are writing about me.
ReplyDeleteAll the best for your next spiritual posts. I really like to read about the spiritual, introspection sort of stuff and you are very good in writing that.