Love everyday

Call me wierd, call me crazy, but isn't it a wonder how you can fall so completely in love with someone out of the blue. Sigh! I feel like that tiny little bbm emoticon with those dancing hearts for eyes and a goofy smile pasted on its face. ' Love is in the air' is definitely an understatement.

So, morning comes. You wake up with expectations riding high, stretching out all the kinks from the wonderful dreams the night before. Check your cellphone. A message from the night before about how much he missed you in the wee dark lonely hours before going to sleep? Or maybe a Bbm status change to what a beautiful part of his life you have become? Or maybe maybe a FB status update wishing you a lovely start to another great day? Hmm..nothing. So you jump off to freshen up and retouch that glowing complexion incase he decides for a quick meetup. Sigh, love can really lift you to the ninth cloud and have you floating there all day long.

The day drags on, filled with wildly extravagant daydreams and longer sighs. The wait turns from milliseconds to seconds to minutes, which very slowly turn into hours. Oh the strain! The lovely, breezy day starts turning humid and stuffy, the perky flowers lose their color. The merry little butterflies turn into brown, disgusting moths and the chirpy music slows to horror. As the sun goes down, the female mind starts churning with questions far-fetched. Has he forgotten about me? Does he have more interesting things than me to do? Has he bored of me? Why hasn't he messaged? WHY HASN'T HE CALLED YET?

And that is when your world falls apart. That lack of attention that you severly crave, that confession of love that you expect everyday. 'Oh woe the heavens! Why didn't you just let me die before having me face this day!' Every cell in your body feels betrayed, anguished to the very core. And just when you decide to update your FB status with a incredible depressing statement before plunging yourself into a tearful slumber for the night, there comes a tiny 'ping' of a notification. A poem. A beautiful, long poem written just for you. A declaration of undying love forever. A jumble of thoughts drowned in your affection. A piece of heart that has taken more than few hours to write and iron out. An effort that lifts you up into the heavens again and makes you forget deep hole of depression that you were spiralling through few minutes ago. 'Oh how lovely! How thoughtful! He hasnt forgotton me after all!'

And you graze throught the poem again and again a million times, till it is engraved in golden letters on the surface of your tiny little brain. The beautiful words flow out and feather touch each sense with a fragrance so sweet. Hmm..

Sometimes its quite sad how easy it is to actually please the innocent mind in love. Sigh...

That one wierd moment

Have ever had those moments where a wave of unhappiness just washes over you out of nowhere? You could be sitting at the kitchen table cutting tomatoes listening to Bach or taking your daily walk by the beach checking out the hot 'surfer' guys, and WHAM! it just hits you. A sad feeling of missing someone/thing from your life. A red, solid brick square in the face. And that ONE person pops into mind, who had been a real special part of your life once upon a time. A veryyyyy long time back.

Why THAT one person? Why not someone that is just two miles away, or just a phonecall away? Or better yet right in the next room only two steps away? Nop. Can't be as easy as that can it, or it just wouldn't be called life, would it? No no nooooo. It has to be that one person who you hadn't spoken to in centuries, who you have had some pretty childishly embarassing (but fond) memories to cherish with and who could be probably married the second time and be a father to four bloody kids for all you know. And out of the million much more memorable & romantic encounters in life, your brain has to go and miss that ONE person! Seriously? Talk about life throwing big, juicy watermelons at you. Atleast I have the opportunity to blame it all on my frantic hormones that seem to be doing the roller coaster ride with my emotions taken my swelled condition.

So what do you do? Go back memory lane a bit while you're still cutting up those tomatoes or avoiding bicyclists, and think up all those funny/romantic memories that melts your heart even further. Ahhh....what blissful days. Bring out your blackberry and browse through your friends of friends of friends pictures on FB to see if you might spot a picture of him anywhere at all. Oh! That horrible empty spot of longing that seems to widen with every passing second! Should you try and contact him to let him know how much you crave his attention right this very minute, or your heart might just disfunction and break down any moment now? Then comes 'The big fight'. At this stage, the brain realises that an important portion of your grey matter is being engaged in a very useless train of thoughts and thus distracting you horribly from the cutting/walking. So it fights down the poor, melancholy heart with hard ass facts.

'You do remember that BS of a guy cheated on you with your closest friend, that too right under your nose, eh?'

'And what about the time he lied to you about loving till death do us apart, when his intentions were to only screw you in bed?'

The heart retaliates poorly. Unfortunately, most of the times its a lose - lose situation for the weak heart where it never was respected in the first place. So the big, wide gap of longing fills up with murky waters of hate once again.

And by this time, the tomatoes are all cut up or you have reached your front door already.

So much to have given someone the hiccups of their life.

Ray of hope

Walking alone the road of sorrow,
Confusion had me see unclear,
With pain and desertion overpowering,
And hurt of forever leaving me hollow.

That is when you walked back into my life once again,
Like a ray of a fresh new dawn,
Blocking my unfortunate path of thorns and mush,
Smiling and taking my hand tight in yours.

This time it was forever,
With the innocence of past engulfing us both,
Don't let me go yet,
We only have the rest of lifetime to be together.

Princess Diaries: 10 - The big bad world!

Dear Diary,

I know I have always been one of the less perspective ones in the lot, unable to grasp people's real intentions hidden within their cores. I know I get so swept away by their sweet, fake imposition, that i completely miss their ugly dark insides. I know I have always had trust issues, where I trust too easy and realize too late. But really, is the world THAT bad?

It is just so easy to believe that every person around you has your best at interest. It takes so less an effort to just be happy with everyone you associate with on daily basis, trying to avoid the ugly web of lies they might be weaving to suffocate you. Yet everyone knows that fairyland and Santa clause does not exist. There is no such thing as good intentions. Specially in a corrupted country as this. Definitely with corrupted people like these.

Yes, I've been hit straight in the face with yet another lie. A reflection which was not a mirror, sadly only a mirage. What I blindly trusted for a friend, turned out to be nothing but a devil inside. A broken trust once more. A blinding arrow straight to the heart.

Haven't we seen enough movies to realise that the good guy always wins? Why are we so scared of the floating lies then? What could those liars hold on our head, that burden us so much? Yes, we can try to avoid every hurdle they place in our way by just sidestepping quietly. Look the other way every time they try to showcase another one of their master discoveries. But can we hold steadfast to the true nature of our reputation? Would the natural and bare bearings stay put for long? Or would they wither away in the harsh weather conditions?

After all that dear diary, what really matters is, holding fast to all the values that leads you through the path of good. No matter how much they sting. bite, poison, don't stoop to their dirty level of getting revenge or attacking their reputation in order to elevate yours. Hold your head above the water. Don't let them drag you down with them. Because you deserve to live in bright sunshine and glow with your true self, and not sulk around in the dirty sledge at the lowest parts of the sea with them and their filthy, stinking lies.

This above all: To thine own self be true,for it must follow as dost the night the day,that canst not then be false to any man.
- Shakespeare (Hamlet) inspired by Socrates (Know thyself).

Black and White

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 24; the Twenty-Fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for this month is BLACK AND WHITE.

She walked down the bustling sidewalk of the colony, a skip in her merry step, a bounce to her perfect brunette curls. The sun shone off her flawless skin, accentuating the green in her almond, hazel eyes. The smile broadened on her pink lips as she twirled past a group of rope hopping girls. "Hello Ma'am! How do you do today?" she greeted the elderly neighbour with a slight curtsy. The old lady beamed at the beautiful girl, thinking back to her younger days when she was as perfect. She moved along the path, stopping a little while to pick a bunch of wild tiny purple flowers growing by the sidewalk. For her sweet mother maybe? Or a sweetheart waiting at home? Or maybe for that cute little baby brother she had waiting for him? Who knows what merry thoughts were going on in her mind. A beautiful mind. Rearranging the tiny petals into a perfect bunch, she walked up the walkway of her tiny house with a glow in her face.

She opened the door of the house, and shut it very quietly as not to startle the passer-bys. Didn't want drawing attention. As usual, the house was dark and had a repulsive, acidic odour of unwashed clothes. Piles of dirty dishes were lying in odd places with rotten food crusted to their sides. The T.V. blared full volume. A dog whimpered in the corner of the living room, starved for food. She threw the flowers at his upturned nose and kicked him away. She could hear her baby brother crying upstairs as usual. Her mother was probably drunk passed out on the floor somewhere. She opened the door to her bedroom and the stink of rotting food was stronger here. Food that has been stashed into corners to avoid the eye of her medical examiner who checked in once in a while. There were clothes strewn all over the floor, with a clutter of cheap makeup accessories and empty bottles of pills covering every available space. Striding in, she pushed the play button on a battered CD-player, bursting the room with hard metal. She pulled off her wig of perfect curls and threw it on the unmade bed, with sheets that hasn't been changed in months. The music grated on her nerves, like chalk on a black board. Pulsating down her spine with cold cubes of hate. She scratched down her face, a thick layer of foundation peeling off under her fingernails. She wanted to scream ravenously , to hit her head against the wall to make the worsening pain go away. To free herself off the hopeless therapy's and the pity looks on her doctor's face. She wanted to get away from it all. Slamming into the bathroom, she plugged her ears against the screaming banshees and turned the shower full force on her self. As the cold water ran down her face in black streams, her pink lipstick came off to reveal pale lips. Her clothes stuck to her bony figure. Her hands started shaking again as the sobs reverted off the bare walls. There was no way out of it. The cancer was killing her very slowly.

The bright white of her life shined to others. A perfect girl with a perfect life. No one could ever imagine or understand how dark her personality really was. How her frustrations to fight life had coated her insides completely black.

A black inside after all never shows.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Princess Diaries: 9 - Silent Heartbreak

Dear Diary,

I am suffocating. My throat is swelling up. I cant breathe. Its getting harder to concentrate on my surroundings. The horrible, piercing pain in my chest. Its increasing. My heart seems to be out of control. Beating at a killer rhythm. The lack of oxygen. My mind is numb. A heavy weight on me. Pushing me down. Pushing me to lose sanity. I cant think about him leaving. No. My vision is getting blurry. I cant see. Is it raining? Everything is swimming in water. Then why do only my cheeks feel cold and wet?

I am in denial. Yes I am. He has always been around me. Like a fluffy, invisible blanket enveloping me in its soft warmth. I feel safe. I cant let that be taken from me. He cant leave me. He can't take away that feeling of security from me. Of being wanted. That feeling of belonging. He is the green land. I am the lonely tree growing on it. Don't take my base away. I am losing it.

But this is what I wanted. For him to go. For me to be alone. For me to be free of that scent of affection. To be free of that promised forever. I want to be independent. I want that emotional attachment to dissolve. So I can be alone with my joys and sorrows. I want to be left alone in this cruel world. I want my fort to break. I want to take off my shield. To be open to all the bullets coming at me. I have the ability to fend for myself. To counter back on my own. I am strong.

Yes dear diary. I have to get through this. This heartbreak. I am shattered into tiny little pieces. And every little piece is shattering into a million more. But i have to mend. Fast. Because i want to live alone. Without that soft blanket of security. Without that undying true love.

Help me.

I can't Justify

If only I could write a song for you,
with a tip dipped in the emotions of my heart.


If only I could survive a forest with you,
and watch the sunshine lighten up your eyes every morning.


If only I could climb the mountains with you,
and stand in the heavens by your side.


If only I could swim the oceans with you,
Just to battle the blue waves together.


Close your eyes, give me your hand,
and I'll hold it tight, leading us through life.


And I can't hold back the words any more,
I have to tell you everything today, tonight.


These feelings clinging to me so tight, tearing me apart inside.
For the love I hold, I just can't justify.

A January Blog

January. The month i was born in. The month when snow envelops lush, green fields to form the softest, most pure stretch of beauty ever. The month when chilly cold winds drive you into a comfy, warm cafe with lots of soft lighting and sensational aroma of coffee drifting in, heating up your frozen nerves. A month to start off a whole long new year with refreshed expectations and iron stamped resolutions. In other words, I celebrated my birthday when the weather and even people were in a beautiful mood. Isn't that a good sign from the heavens above?

So I'm generally a type of person who would expect very little with the person in front. Yes i believe strongly in the saying...give more and expect little. But then everyone has one of those days where rules of living have to be put on hold. On my birthday, its like my expectations suddenly shoot up to a level where im expecting to be treated as a queen..and my day be a ritual celebration. Call me a selfish, proud female who gives herself too much credit. Even that wouldn't spoil my all-happy-and-gay mood. And then just what i needed. The red guy appears out of nowhere, and evilly whispers in my ears "Its your special day...go crazy! Ask 'em for the world...gourmet chocolates, Tiffany rings, Louis Vuittons, BMW convertibles. You want them all! You want to feel like a goddess. Its your birthday! Why are you sitting here in your grandma chair and acting all 26 of your years? You need a bachelorette partay!" And the conscience with white wings butt in "Really Aruba? And what exactly was the earth shattering advantage that humanity gained on the day of your birth? Why is the entire population expected to treat you like a goddess on this cold, ordinary day? Seriously, get over it!"

Hmm..quite a point you have there.

So I sit daintily in my throne of greatness expecting my knights to honour me with beautiful and exotic items of ravishing beauty. And surprised as I may be not...that is exactly what i got. A hidden snowy cake with a surprise celebration. A candle light greeting. It was all beautiful. I was satisfied. And when I am all cozy and gloating in my tiny round halo of golden happiness, I think "A good start to another adult year, a good start to 2012!"

So I turned a year older. Didn't gain me the hidden wealths of the pharoahs. Nor did it give me a one-way ticket to lifelong bashing. FACT: after 21 each year added to your age just increases wrinkles and responsibilities only. What is there to celebrate? And at the end of the day, this thought crosses the mind of everyone. Like it did mine. A damper on things.

But then again, some people do exist in everyone's life that would make you feel like a goddess that day. :)