Dear Diary,
I am suffocating. My throat is swelling up. I cant breathe. Its getting harder to concentrate on my surroundings. The horrible, piercing pain in my chest. Its increasing. My heart seems to be out of control. Beating at a killer rhythm. The lack of oxygen. My mind is numb. A heavy weight on me. Pushing me down. Pushing me to lose sanity. I cant think about him leaving. No. My vision is getting blurry. I cant see. Is it raining? Everything is swimming in water. Then why do only my cheeks feel cold and wet?
I am in denial. Yes I am. He has always been around me. Like a fluffy, invisible blanket enveloping me in its soft warmth. I feel safe. I cant let that be taken from me. He cant leave me. He can't take away that feeling of security from me. Of being wanted. That feeling of belonging. He is the green land. I am the lonely tree growing on it. Don't take my base away. I am losing it.
But this is what I wanted. For him to go. For me to be alone. For me to be free of that scent of affection. To be free of that promised forever. I want to be independent. I want that emotional attachment to dissolve. So I can be alone with my joys and sorrows. I want to be left alone in this cruel world. I want my fort to break. I want to take off my shield. To be open to all the bullets coming at me. I have the ability to fend for myself. To counter back on my own. I am strong.
Yes dear diary. I have to get through this. This heartbreak. I am shattered into tiny little pieces. And every little piece is shattering into a million more. But i have to mend. Fast. Because i want to live alone. Without that soft blanket of security. Without that undying true love.
Help me.
hmm...interesting...
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