The Perfect Guy

Who is he? A question every girl starts asking herself as soons as she hits puberty. And it becomes more intense when she's had a series of failed relationships right after it. First, its the childhood crush, then comes 'the first love' and then its jumping from one guy to another just for the sake of having someone on your arm to live upto. But no matter how far in life one goes, you never come across THE perfect one. Given afcourse that a lot of guys might have had some qualities that you've been looking for, but they never (NEVER!) seem to be in one person altogether. Why is that?

Think about it.

College groups, online dating sites, blind dates, friends of friends, social sites. So many ways to find him. and still he remains anonyme. Is it some kinda twisted game of fate that God plays with us, or...is it us?

Definitely us.

Why, you ask? C'mon ladies, you dont really think 'the perfect one' exists, do you? I mean, its like conjuring up a dress in your mind, all with the cuts and the ruffles and the perfect color, and expecting to find it at the store right in front of you. Unh unh. So not possible. But what is possible is if you walk into the store in front of you, choose a dress that matches as close as possible to your conjured image, and make it the perfect one.

Makes sense?

And that is exactly how it works in the real world. Dont try to find the guy. Let him walk up to you when the time is right. Overlook his negativities and praise his positive qualities. Compromise your needs with him. Share your dreams and understand his. And most of all, believe in him and his love. And you have found 'the perfect one'. And no matter how many times a week (or day) you crazy fight him, at the end of the day, it all comes back to
bringing you even more closer to him.

What wierds me out is how people have a complete wrong concept of 'how to meet your perfect guy'. And i blame it all on the sad-ass romantics that is ever so popular with the young and beautifuls. No, you never bump into him in a library aisle and he helps with the fallen books. No you never look across a cafe and its love at first sight. No its never 'I hated you when i met you first but never realised it was love all along'. And NO, the guy is never perfectly handsome and tall with clean shave and deep brown eyes. Afcourse i would give anythinnggg to have a fairytale life where cinderalla found her prince charming ever so easily. But HELLO, welcome to the real world! (Sucks, i know)
Its been quite a while now, that i had a convo like such with a friend. But it got me thinking. And so it has has stuck for the past two posts. Falling in love is easy, its how-long-you-stick-together part that shows you the real status of your relationship.

Lucky me to have that one friend I can talk to anything about. *winks*

Perfect Man

Thoughts about you all day...

and deep onto the night,

feel your heart beating with mine,

so close and yet so far,

reminiscing the childhood laughs,

the naughtiness, the aloofness.

So young we were to have realised,

that one day...

it will more than just play,

when unspoken words,

would play tricks with the mind,

when a simple touch,would bring fire to the blood.

Oh baby, listen to me here,

the silence speaks volumes to be heard,

that even though it may seem so impossible,

i still want you so bad,

and even if you dont care enough,

i will make you see all that,

and no matter how high the wall in between,

i will have you one day,

because you are my perfect man.

Spiritually purified?

So i return after one if the most moral-altering, head spinning trips ever. Its like i just landed on earth after a time spent on mars, without oxygen.

Reality has just hit me.

After a month of being so closely attached to divinity and issue-free days, feels kinda wierd to be pushed back into this stupid race of a life that we we seem to be chasing every single day.

Now problems seem minor, points of interest seem meaningless and people seem idiotic.

Its like everyone is missing out on the main point of existence, and running along without thinking or realising. Like hamsters on their spinning wheels. Going on and on and on.

And I know exactly what you're thinking. Has this girl changed tracks already? Has she become on of those? Has she finally lost her marbles?

No, No and No.

I am still the same old me, who would spend precious seconds on the smallest of thoughts and live life carelessly like a dangerous rollercoaster. But its like i have experienced a big chunk of life that i wouldnt want to let go. A part that i didnt know existed. Where money and time has no value. And only what matters is whether you have done justice by giving back as much as you were given in the first place? Or was it not enough?


A part of me still retains the feelings of complete mental freedom, that serenity in the mere thoughts. The peace that you have within yourself when you know that all the mistakes you ever made have been erased. How completely fulfilled you feel when you know you've got the attention that you always wanted. When every little wish is answered for. Its like a one-to-one with the most powerful force ever. Nothing compares.

Nothing.

This was a race to not earn as much money and fame as possible, but to reach a higher level of respect in the eyes of that one, in front of which we have to stand later on. Though this trip has had an amazing effect on my physical fitness (Thanks to prancing around the entire town on foot), it has mentally refined all those little thoughts that we seem to be having on the daily basis, letting us see the 'other side'.

I remember thinking during my second umrah as i walked along the long corridors, how do i describe on blog how i feel right now? What words do i put down? Guess there arent any perfect ones. Only the ones perceptive enough could sense emotions attached to moments like those. But why do i feel like i have lost that now? Why does the chemistry feel so...non-existent now?

The best part of this trip was that i had a lot of time to myself. To sort out my feelings, to understand the happenings around me. Why do people do what they do and why does everything seem so less of perfect? Why do we try to get what we cant have and throw away what we do? I thought and thought and thought.

And i finally figured it all out.

The glitch in all is that we are looking in the wrong places for the wrong needs. Its like looking for water in a desert and cactus on a beach. Totally hopeless.

But everyone has that moment in life when they realise this. You cant just walk upto someone and start explaining something only in ur mind. Let them hit the rough patch and figure it out themselves. Only will they then know that its not the world abusing them, but them themselves.
Satisfied with everything i did the past month, one question remains that I still ask myself. Have i been forgiven for the horrible mistakes i have made in the past? The people I hurt, the bad decisions I made? Have i been spiritually purified?