Spiritually purified?

So i return after one if the most moral-altering, head spinning trips ever. Its like i just landed on earth after a time spent on mars, without oxygen.

Reality has just hit me.

After a month of being so closely attached to divinity and issue-free days, feels kinda wierd to be pushed back into this stupid race of a life that we we seem to be chasing every single day.

Now problems seem minor, points of interest seem meaningless and people seem idiotic.

Its like everyone is missing out on the main point of existence, and running along without thinking or realising. Like hamsters on their spinning wheels. Going on and on and on.

And I know exactly what you're thinking. Has this girl changed tracks already? Has she become on of those? Has she finally lost her marbles?

No, No and No.

I am still the same old me, who would spend precious seconds on the smallest of thoughts and live life carelessly like a dangerous rollercoaster. But its like i have experienced a big chunk of life that i wouldnt want to let go. A part that i didnt know existed. Where money and time has no value. And only what matters is whether you have done justice by giving back as much as you were given in the first place? Or was it not enough?


A part of me still retains the feelings of complete mental freedom, that serenity in the mere thoughts. The peace that you have within yourself when you know that all the mistakes you ever made have been erased. How completely fulfilled you feel when you know you've got the attention that you always wanted. When every little wish is answered for. Its like a one-to-one with the most powerful force ever. Nothing compares.

Nothing.

This was a race to not earn as much money and fame as possible, but to reach a higher level of respect in the eyes of that one, in front of which we have to stand later on. Though this trip has had an amazing effect on my physical fitness (Thanks to prancing around the entire town on foot), it has mentally refined all those little thoughts that we seem to be having on the daily basis, letting us see the 'other side'.

I remember thinking during my second umrah as i walked along the long corridors, how do i describe on blog how i feel right now? What words do i put down? Guess there arent any perfect ones. Only the ones perceptive enough could sense emotions attached to moments like those. But why do i feel like i have lost that now? Why does the chemistry feel so...non-existent now?

The best part of this trip was that i had a lot of time to myself. To sort out my feelings, to understand the happenings around me. Why do people do what they do and why does everything seem so less of perfect? Why do we try to get what we cant have and throw away what we do? I thought and thought and thought.

And i finally figured it all out.

The glitch in all is that we are looking in the wrong places for the wrong needs. Its like looking for water in a desert and cactus on a beach. Totally hopeless.

But everyone has that moment in life when they realise this. You cant just walk upto someone and start explaining something only in ur mind. Let them hit the rough patch and figure it out themselves. Only will they then know that its not the world abusing them, but them themselves.
Satisfied with everything i did the past month, one question remains that I still ask myself. Have i been forgiven for the horrible mistakes i have made in the past? The people I hurt, the bad decisions I made? Have i been spiritually purified?