Tonight, after a very long time, I could put my pen down and smear my emotions on to paper. Tonight, I feel like I'm overwhelmed with waves of sadness crashing on to my weak wall of sanity. Tonight, I want you to come save me from this flood of pity that threatens to drown me once again. All over again.
Sometimes, somehow things don't work out the way you want it to. Maybe this feeling of insecurity that has grown inside of me has pushed down all my strength around me, leaving me bare to face the evil closing in. But how did that insecurity get there in the first place? Is it the lack of love? Is it the lack of respect? Or is it the lack of attention? Or is it just me? How can a person change so much over just a short period of time? As much as I try to be myself, my insecurities has me flattened to the ground. My nose to the lowest levels of earth. And the force pushing me down does not lighten it's strong hold on me.
How do you judge me so easily? How can you ask me to be myself when I keep losing her in the midst of fighting for stability? No it's not a fight. And no I am not fighting. It's a freakin' war. And I am battling. Then don't tell me to be myself, when I have seen mutilated bodies strewn all around me in the wake of rising dust.
As much as I want to grab on to this sane part of me from walking away, I can't. You have to accept me as this raging tornado, or leave me to my own destruction then. Because this is what I am. A beautiful storm. I can be just a sight passing by peacefully for once, or I can be the dark thunder that strikes you blind. But a storm is all about dark destruction, and that's what I have become.
Some people make you beautiful. They believe in you, they believe what's inside you. And only that pulls your hope-to-survive higher than ever. You are my ray of sunlight, that dries up the fallen raindrops, pooling into deep scarring puddles. You are my ray of hope, that brightens up my doomed darkness. You are my breath of fresh air, that disperses this anger.
You are the calm to my raging storm.
No comments:
Post a Comment