Another page in the Book of Love - 2

Continued from Part 1...

She loved helping her mum in the kitchen. A friendly bond seemed to form between them as they gossiped randomly and bustled around the brightly lit room, cutting and stirring. There was a time when she had misunderstood her, thinking mum wanted nothing more but to cage her in. But things have changed. She has changed. She had to give up a lot. A lot. Even him. Regret filled her and started suffocating her. She glanced up at her mum's carefree face as she laughed about the neighbour's dog. Just seeing her so happy bought oxygen back to her brains. And just as quickly the guilt vanished. Her mum was proud of her. Just the way she wanted. Nothing will come in between them now. Nothing. She won't let it.


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He stared out the tiny window, far at a beautiful illusion the setting sun created. The soft clouds seemed to add a dramatic effect, bring out the translucent colors. Instead of appreciating the rare sight, his mind was thousands of miles away. He was thinking about her. How would she react on seeing him this time? After all that has changed between them? Would she be filled with joy, or walk away in despair? He desperately hoped it the former. After all, he was going for her only. The wedding was just an excuse. He sighed loudly, causing the passenger beside him to glance over and study his rigid frame in concern. It felt like the world weighed on his shoulders. He needed to relax. To look like he was going on a vacation and not to his death
order. Motioning the airhostess over, he ordered coffee. "and make it strong please." He checked his Seiko. Only one hour more to go.


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She knew he was going to be at the wedding. Afterall, he did come for the wedding. She should feel calm and collected now. Everything was over. He was nothing more than an acquaintance now. That too if she wanted him to be. Suddenly her searching eyes were blocked by a huge blubbery frame of bright red and orange, covered in shiny jewels from head to toe. "Hello there beta! look at you. All grown up and pretty! We should get you hooked to a nice boy now." Afcourse. Desi aunties are worse than facebook at prying into your personal matters. The only reason they have been put on earth is to get 'pretty girls' married off to 'nice boys'. So much for searching for a purpose to life. Trying to look interested and pretending not to look for him, she checked out what lay in front of her. That is when she saw him, her eyes partly sheilded by her fringe. Sitting at a table not far away, looking in her direction intently. She couldn't read his expression or his eyes. But she could feel her ears go numb and her heart thundering like a drum gone mad. Nowhere near calm or collected. Shit.


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There she was, beautiful as always. His heart rushed to his throat, and oxygen left his lungs for a minute. Haven't seen him yet. Dammit. Wish he could take her up in her arms and let the world know how he really felt. But his hands were tied. He was scared of losing her. He looked away. Fine, I'll play her game, if that's what she wants.


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The digital clocked blinked at him. 3 a.m. It was late. He should be sleeping. But he couldn't. Specially when he could feel her in the room next to him. He needed her. And that drove him to smoke harder. He got out of bed.


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He had her so close, yet so far. He was drunk on passion, on smoke. But his head was clear enough to know this was his last chance to know. He pulled her close, gently moving her hair to the side so he could read what she was hiding. "Dont!" But she remained where she was. He had to touch her, he needed her. Why couldn't she understand?! "Please..." She turned towards him and looked him straight in the eye. And for that tiniest of seconds he saw the hurt dripping off those delicate lashes. Then she knifed him with her words. "You have to stay away from me. I can't do this. I'm getting married soon." The floor dissapeared beneath his feet. He lost all senses. Time stopped. Blood left his brain. All he could see was her eyes and feel nothing.


He didn't remember walking out of the room.

                                                                                          To be continued...    

The inner demon

Do you have one? Not talking about the good-evil combo scrutinizing every single move of ours from the front seat view of our shoulders. But ever get the feeling that you've been completely possessed by that bad bad demon, which till now used to lurk in the tiny dark corners of your mind? That timid creature that was too scared of the huge positive ego that shined right through your face like sunshine on a bright summer day. All it needs is one gaurd let down and *BAM* It attacks! It attacks like a bitch and knocks you off you your feet.

Everyone has the downhills in there lives. Life is pretty much like a sine curve. There comes a peak of happiness, which then slopes downwards to intense depression, which then again slopes up to neutral. But sometimes life hits a dead straight line in the negative area (beeeeeeppp) that goes on and on and on, a never ending torture. At first you fight it, challenge the bad luck every step through the way. Bring it on you bad ass, I won't back down no matter what! And you fight and fight and fight, not realizing that it's wearing out your mental fortress horribly. And then finally, when ur weak enough, it gives the last powerful shock of all. And you drop to it's mercy. Begging to be let out of the misery. But really? Is it going to go that easy? Nooooooo. Not till it had taken you up in it's wrath, destroying every aspect of life, and whatever little happiness you have ever latched on to. It hits you with worse over worse, making you regret challenging it in the first place. It takes your friends, family, love and strips you off of every atom of positiveness you ever had in you. Till you drop spent at it's feet. The life taken out of you. Nothing left except a long list of people who hate you, and no one left to love you.


That's the point where you break down. The point in life where you finally lose it. You don't know where to turn, right or left, too scared to come face to face with this demon again. So you just shut down every emotion in your system and unplug your mental thoughts to move straight on. Take every blow in silence, and hope it ends sooner than it intends to.


The fear of being hated. They should have a name for that. Maybe one takes for granted when everone around you accepts you for no price  at all. Loves you for being so positive against the ugly backdrop of harsh reality. But isn't it ironic how the harsh reality rubs off on you and not you on it, the other way round? For a second there, you congratulate yourself for being a beacon of happiness in a lot of lives. And the next second they scorn you for existing. Sigh. One should never have the inner desire to bring happiness to others. It just turns around and hits you back square in the face like a well thrown boomerang. But could it be helped? Is it natural for a person to depend on other's happiness so much? If the world has become selfish, why does one care so much?

The frustration of keeping to perfectness overcomes, and instead of attaching everone to you in positive sockets, you end up giving them reasons to criticize you and snub you. So much for hiding the bad demon in you.


That which you hide, comes out sooner or later.

To Patriotism

‎”Though Afridi couldn’t win the world cup, for 30 days he made this country into a nation” – Ramiz Raja.

That is probably one of the greatest remarks by a still greater man. His commentary lead us through the season with so much hope and passion. And here he says in few words, what every Pakistani wants to say to the Team that bought a small speckle of life into this once dead country.

It looms in front of my eyes like only few hours ago. The mother of all matches played in Mohali. Pakistan vs India, semi-final of ICC 2011. It was all over the media, that being the understatement. Every living human being was talking about it, whether or not they were into cricket. The pressure was building, and hands were raised to pray for a much hoped-for victory. I knew people who prayed for it more then they had ever prayed in their lives. It was like everyone had forgetten their differences and negativities to cheer on the Team that would finally bring that beacon of happiness that was so needed. Those are the things that will forever remain etched in my mind.

To be honest, i never really knew what patriotism was all about. Born and raised in Abu Dhabi, I always wondered why people were so proud to be called a part of their country. The only thing that connected me to this country was the question "Where are you from?". No idea what it all meant to be a Pakistani. Never knew i had it in me. But now, its different. Having lived in Karachi for 4 years now, I understand the worth of freedom. And this years cricket season changed me.

WE lost. But we didnt lose heart. A couple of years ago i wouldnt have cared how far our team went. This time, i knew how much this country needed it. Right now, Pakistan is all about suicide bombings, shootings, poverty and bad government decisions. Every corner is filled with distressed Pakistanis fighting for justice, for freedom, for voice. Not just in the country, but every part of the world. This win could have bought a smile to their faces, to have them remember that yes there is more to life then struggling. This wasn't just a match, it was more than that!

So Hats off,
      to that Team that took us far beyong our expectations, beating the most toughest of players on the scene,
      to the best captain that we have had in our history of amazing captains, Shahid Afridi your humbleness and true nature wins us all,
      and to the one country that set aside their differences to become one heart, one soul, one nation.

To Pakistan, we breathe by you.