The moment when you suddenly feel depressed for no reason at all. Its that moment of ungratefulness to all the blessings around you, when you feel like the most harassed kid on the block. Eyes fill up and heart strings tug. And you wish for the earth to open up and swallow you in or an airplane to sweep you up into the far heavens above. Every picture loses its color into murky shades of grey. So I explore the possible reasons for this sudden onset of downward spiral of my life.
Could it be my surroundings? The fact that there are innocent people being killed off for no reason and the reporter gleefully discussing ever tiny details of their deaths as casually as discussing the toppings on her favourite icecream. Or maybe that people are killing for a single morsel of food before hunger pangs take over their last breath. Or that the rich are squeezing every single drop of blood out the poor helpless in form of great stacks of money which they gamble away. And with the economy just an inch away from smacking down into the barren earth and falling slave to the great 'A'. Maybe the fact that the blood shedding has caused such horrifying images stamped into every citizens brain thus preventing them from socialising and leading a normal life. Have I become the victim to the latter?
Maybe this mood drop is due to the fact that I get wiped out of every planned part of my day, just because I am being nice to others. Why do I always put others before myself, and end up with nothing in my hands. Afcourse I don't want to morph into one of these selfish beings where they suck happiness out of others like a leach. I want to be the same old girl who wanted her parents to look at her proudly one day and declare to the whole world that no daughter has ever been more perfect than Her. Why do I always end up being unhappy when giving others a piece of my heart? Isn't this the right way? Isn't this how it is supposed to work, by giving and not expecting? Then why am I always taken advantage of?
And then again maybe as always its the matters of the heart. Come a lonely night where the air is so quite, it makes a needle drop sound like an explosion. And here I am all alone trying to fill that void with the fictional problems of my upper east IT girls. Really. Pathetic much? And who would blame a girl for actually making some intimate relationships, even if they are illicit.
Believe it or not, I have officially lost my mind.
So sue me for trying to socialize. What better way to lose the burden of self pity by hearing a string of compliments from an acquainted admirer? Sometimes I sound utterly senseless to my own self.
So sue me for trying to socialize. What better way to lose the burden of self pity by hearing a string of compliments from an acquainted admirer? Sometimes I sound utterly senseless to my own self.
Help?
